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in the Family
How modern families met the challenge.
PARENTGUIDE News October 2007
QUALITY TIME:
an informal reference to time spent with loved ones that is in some
way important or special. It may also refer to time spent performing
some favored activity, such as a hobby. The actual time available to
enjoy quality time is often limited. However, this is outweighed by
the importance attached to events or interactions that occur during
quality time.
—Excerpted from Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia
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Parents today are time-strapped. Scrambling to fix breakfast and pack
nutritious school lunches while tending to baby and negotiating how
one child may make his 4pm recital when a sibling needs to be shuffled
to a tutoring session, stay-at-home moms often feel there aren’t
enough hours in a morning— let alone in a day. And with all this
hustle and bustle, what’s a family to do when both parents work
and every man, woman and child in the house operates on different schedules?
In this day and age, is quality family time possible?
s you may recall, last winter we “challenged” families to
find viable ways to share special moments. No, crashing on the couch
to collectively watch a Spongebob cartoon wouldn’t cut it. Nor
would a five-minute pizza fix with each family member dining in a separate
room of the house. In order to meet the Family Time Challenge, families
had to relish at least four, 30-minute meals void of television, and
two quality activities sans iPods and cell phones— each week for
four weeks. We also directed families to designate 20 weekly minutes
for discussing a shared experience, like a picnic or museum outing,
as part of the Challenge. Lastly, participating families had to document
the month of family moments and discussions.
The McKenna, McFadden and Higgins families rose to the Challenge, later
gushing at how the associated tasks enhanced the special moments that
their family members shared. Not all families could follow the strictures
of the Challenge exactly. However, honoring the commitment to attempt
their absolute best in terms of spending quality time together is a
testament to what it means to be a mother, father, sister and brother
today. The three families have shown that with foresight, creativity,
tenacity, love and sacrifice, any family in these frenetic times can
find occasions to allow family bonds to flourish.
Here’s a peek at how these three East Coast families met the Challenge:
The McKenna Family
Mom, a part-time teacher, and Dad, a full-time senior systems computer
analyst, are the parents of Chris, 14, Brian, 11, and Kevin, 7.
Each week, the McKennas shared four to six meals, either at home, out
or from take-out. “We never realized how important the subjects
are that we discuss at the family table,” noted Mom, Carol. “Many
life lessons to be learned!”
Carol said family time has always been crucial for the McKennas, with
nightly activities involving all or some of the clan for Cub Scouts,
Boy Scouts (both parents are town leaders of such programs), art classes,
volunteer sessions, church youth group meetings and library groups.
“If nothing, we usually spend the time watching TV, finishing
homework, playing on the computer, practicing instruments, reading books
and talking,” she said about the family’s after dinner affairs.
Still, the Challenge’s weekly discussions provided a unique opportunity
to reflect on family members’ emotions, like an upset son “being
bullied at school” versus a delighted son “done with many
of his school projects and he could finally enjoy family activities
without having them loom over his head.”
Along with sharing 20 meals throughout Challenge, the McKennas jointly
experienced a family reunion, a son’s baseball game, board game
play, schoolwork, two family birthday parties, a Cub Scout meeting,
an extended family picnic, a movie jaunt and a “couple night”
for the parents. “My parents instilled how important it is for
families to sit down each night and be together at the family table
to eat and talk,” Carol concluded post-Challenge. “Hopefully
this tradition will continue with our three boys!”
The McFadden Family
Mom, a full-time financial analyst, and Dad, a full-time substance abuse
prevention intervention specialist for the New York school system, are
the parents of Isaiah, 5, and Mekhi, 3.
The McFaddens had three to four weekly meals together during the Challenge—
on Sundays, Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays. Out the door by 5:45am,
Mr. McFadden gets home from work at about 7:30pm while the young boys
are in bed, making a collective weekday meal in this household near
impossible. But, the second Saturday of the Challenge, all four McFaddens
bowled then went to Cheeseburger Paradise. “The boys were very
excited to have their Dad go out to eat with us,” said Mom Karen,
who typically takes the boys to and from school and T-ball play, before
and after her workday. “It’s usually just Isaiah, Mekhi
and myself. I was happy as well.”
Also on the second week, communication improved, which was dually noted
by Karen. “While my husband and I talk, we started to communicate
more than we normally do and that’s something we will strive to
maintain,” said Karen. “I also have a habit of asking the
boys about their day at school; however, we never get to do this as
a family so we took the time to ask the boys about their day at school.
My husband found it very informative.”
Family relations strengthened all around. From week one, Karen observed
the sons getting along better, and by the end of the Challenge, both
boys followed instructions to clean up toys in their room. Karen attributed
the family chore to the Challenge. During that week’s “family
chat,” Karen revealed she needed more help around the house.
Additional activities the McFaddens shared included a trip to Point
Pleasant beach, miniature golf, memory games and eye-opening conversations,
pinpointing family members’ respective needs and interests. While
chitchatting, the McFaddens discussed a yearning to travel together—
an activity this time-crunched clan rarely experiences. Ultimately,
the McFaddens committed to find an inexpensive weekend getaway to enjoy
as a unit.
“My husband and I learned, that as a couple, we should make time
for ourselves as well as with the boys,” Karen said. “We
found that 99.9 percent of the time I’m running with the boys
alone to different activities. Thank you for the opportunity to participate
in the Family Time Challenge.”
The Higgins Family
Mom, a full-time accountant, and Dad, a hotel security guard who works
4pm to midnight, are the parents of Willy, 4, and Evelyn, 2.
Disclosing that work schedules and the children’s ages “make
it very hard to sit down for a real sit-down dinner,” Mom Kathy
documented that the Higgins Family ate “breakfast together all
week long for the first time” on the first week of the Challenge,
followed by “dinner together almost every night,” by the
Challenge’s end.
While going on adventures to the playground, museum, mall, library,
swimming pool and Great Wolf Lodge— where the family spent two
entire days together— family members noticed daughter Evelyn speaking
more frequently. Though Mom and Dad felt they had less free time, “it
was worth it to see the smiles on the kids’ faces,” said
Mom Kathy. “The kids are smiling more and they are becoming best
friends!”
Did sibling friendships endure despite having to cut back on “me
time,” as Kathy called it, and is the Higgins family likely to
continue to spend quality time together? “Yes, it works,”
says Kathy, “everyone is much happier. The discussions really
got the kids thinking and bonding with each other and us... Hopefully
this will be a bond that will last forever.”
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