A Child to Call Your Own
Maneuvering down the path to adoption.
by Pam Spector

PARENTGUIDE News July 2006

Adoption has become a very hot topic given the recent publicity it has gotten from many high-profile celebrities. The increase of people starting families later in life, as well as singles and same sex couples embracing parenthood have led to a significant growth in the number of adoptions in recent years. The resources are now endless, the options are varied and adoption is so acceptable today that it has almost become trendy. People used to keep it hush-hush when they adopted, and now it is finally what it should be a wonderful way to expand your family.

However, as in any life-altering decision, there are challenges along the way, some more difficult than others. Many folks look for assistance. In fact, 20 percent of adoptions never get completed based on the difficulty of the process. Adoption is a pretty huge undertaking. But like pregnancy, it is a temporary state and once you get through it, you become the parent of a child, or in some cases, children! Gaining a good understanding of the process, knowing what questions to ask, and most of all, seeking the right professionals to help you, can make your journey easier, shorter and possibly less expensive.

Here is a basic ten step process to make adoption easier:
•Defining the Path: Secure an overview of the adoption process and terminology.
•Navigating Your Destination: Determine whether to adopt domestically or internationally.
•Targeting Your Agency: Choose the right agency or lawyer to facilitate your adoption.
•Steps to the Home Study: Select a qualified agency or social worker to execute this report.
•Dossier Ways for the Wise: Manage and execute the paperwork-intensive flow in order to save time and possibly money.
•Assuming the Referral Course: Have an adoption medical professional evaluate your child before officially accepting him or her.
•Pipeline Into Your Region: Learn from others who have gone through the process.
•Travel Directions: Plan your trip according to your destination.
•Post Placement Procedures: Have your home study agency write a follow up report once your child is home.
•Off the Beaten Path: Go off the path and embrace it. The journey might be enlightening and lead you to information you would have otherwise not known. 

It is very important to determine early on whether you prefer to adopt your child domestically or internationally. There is no right or wrong answer to this question— it is simply a personal decision. However, one should be aware of the very different paths that are taken to complete this process as it will likely play into your decision.

Most adoptions, both domestic and international, require the adoptive parent(s) to do a home study.” This involves a visit from a licensed agency or social worker who comes to your home to evaluate your qualifications to adopt a child. The home study worker ultimately writes a report recommending you as an adoptive parent and submits it to the U.S. government and ultimately to the country you plan to adopt from, if it is international.

Generally speaking, domestic adoptions in the U.S. are now often open adoptions. In basic terms, this means that the birth and adoptive parents establish a relationship, sometimes with the help of a lawyer or an adoption agency. In many cases, the exchange between the parents begins when the birth mother is pregnant, and they remain in contact throughout the birth (and sometimes afterwards) where the adoptive parent(s) may be welcome to attend. It is important to know that you, as the adoptive parent(s), may know the birth parents. This may bring you comfort or may be emotionally challenging. The birth mother may be in contact with several families simultaneously, as she has the option of selecting the individual or couple who she would prefer to adopt her child. Ultimately, she may or may not choose you. If you are not chosen, you will have to start the process again and cannot recoup your costs on any initial advertising you may have been required to do.

It is also common practice to write a Dear Birth Mother letter which describes your life, family, friends and background to help the birth mother get to know you. In short, with domestic adoption, the total cost of advertising is difficult to predict an adoption is not imminent, and could take years. The positives, however, are significant in that you get your baby when he or she is extremely young. Because the travel is in the U.S., it is generally short and the paperwork that is required is considerably less than with an international adoption.

With international adoption, each country has its own unique laws, processes and procedures; however, we will start with the things they have in common. Most countries outside of the U.S. require the adoptive parent(s) to submit a dossier which usually takes several months to assemble as it consists of a lot of information regarding your health, finances, living situation and more. Every document necessitates a notary signature and then several legal stamps from the government. It is costly and very time consuming. Most countries require a U.S. adoption agency or lawyer to facilitate the adoption. It is therefore critical that you choose an agency or lawyer that is extremely well-qualified to complete the adoption and keep up with the ever-changing political environments which may affect the adoption laws at any given time.

One thing to find out is if your agency is accredited and how long the accreditation will last. Many adoptive parents have unfortunately encountered major problems midway through the process, as their adoption could not be finalized because the agency was no longer recognized as a result of losing accreditation. Once you choose your agency or lawyer and have completed your dossier, you wait for a referral (usually a picture and limited medical information). Once you receive your referral, you can have your child medically evaluated by an international adoption medical professional. Once you have accepted a referral, you will prepare to travel to meet your child overseas.

Presently, some of the international adoption programs that are open are Russia, China, Guatemala, Kazakhstan, Vietnam and India. There are others in Latin America, Africa, Asia and Europe, however, folks interested in adopting internationally should be aware that there is a history of many programs closing down in the middle of the process. Some open again and some may not, for years. China has been one of the more stable programs, yet the wait can be lengthier than with other programs. It is also more difficult to adopt a boy from China. The nice thing about China, however, is that only one trip is presently required as is the case with Guatemala and other programs. Russia's program has been very challenging, requiring two trips and the requirements changing often. There are programs that require you to be married and many have age limits as well.

Another aspect of international adoption to contend with is the fact that your child may be living in an orphanage until you bring him or her home. That need not be an issue but each case and child’s health needs to be looked at individually. While international adoption certainly has its difficulties with traveling abroad, multiple trips, cultural differences, changing laws and institutionalized housing, it has its own draw as well. The biggest upside is that an adoption is usually imminent. Additionally, the costs are fairly predictable, there is no advertising required and adoptions are anonymous.

Adoption, whether it is domestic or international, can be a waiting game with a lot of uncertainties and frustrations. However, it is possible to obtain a sense of ease and comfort during a process that can be very unpredictable. The goal then is to turn your waiting time into anticipation filled with excitement about your future with your new child.

Pathways to Adoption
(www.pathwaystoadoption.com)
is a new adoption consulting service that focuses on guiding people through the adoption process from beginning to end, or helping others who are mid-stream and need advice. This consulting team has first-hand experience with navigating the challenging detours that the adoption path tends to follow. Pathways to Adoption offers private consulting as well as group seminars. For more information, visit www.pathwaystoadoption.com or call (646)872-3919.

Pam Spector is the founder, president and international consultant at Pathways to Adoption. Beginning this summer, she will be speaking at various locations including The Learning Annex and 92nd Street Y. Call (646)872-3919 for more information.